Chores help to teach kids life skills such as humility, teamwork and self-reliance – but nobody ever said that getting a child or teenager to do them was easy.
In fact, as a parent, it is often faster and less stressful to simply do the job yourself. The procrastination, refusal, complaining and lack of effort that comes from kids can outweigh the reward of a reduced workload.
However, teaching kids to do chores is worth doing, both to make living with them easier and to give them the skills they’ll need to get by once they are sharing a house with others. Here are the best tips we’ve uncovered, from various international experts, to try with your reluctant kids and teens.
Give them age-appropriate tasks
Smaller children cannot achieve a lot in terms of chores, and they will require supervision.
Easier tasks like packing away toys and putting shoes in the right spot are enough in the leadup to school years. Try to make the tasks a game so young children enjoy them.
It’s also worth remembering that younger children will sometimes have difficulty breaking down a larger job into achievable tasks. For example, saying ‘Clean your room’ may make them feel overwhelmed. You need more specific instructions such as ‘put the books away, then make your bed, then put your clothes in the wash basket’. You may even need to give your child one thing to work on at a time so they don’t find it all too much and refuse to do any chores in the first place.
As children grow, try to walk them through their chores so they get the hang of them. Eventually you will be able to leave them to get the job done on their own.
Have a roster of jobs
It can sometimes work for each child to have their own set task to do each day, but it may cause accusations of favouritism.
One way to ensure things get done is to give everyone a job for a day of the week. For example, Monday is either emptying the dishwasher, feeding the dog or tidying the dining table, then everyone swaps the next day, and so on. You could also bring in a ‘rostered day off’ for each child.
Set a timer
Put on some music, letting each child choose a favourite song, and start the clock. Having four people work for 15 minutes gives you an hour of housework in total and it feels great to see how much can be achieved when everyone works together. Another option is to tell them to put ten or twenty things away before they get a reward such as screentime. Or, if you’re really feeling brave, change the wi-fi password and refuse to reveal the new one until their chores are finished.
Do this at the same time each week (or even for ten minutes after dinner each day) so your family knows what is expected from them.
Give your children some control and a voice
Have a family meeting to work out who does what and when. Talk about why housework is important and why you need to get your kids to do chores.
If they really want to avoid a certain chore, ask them why and discuss an alternative. Get clear on everybody’s responsibilities and expectations of each other so there is less angst when the time comes for kids to help out.
Offer an incentive
An incentive doesn’t have to be cash (although there’s nothing wrong with making pocket money dependent on doing some chores), but some kind of reward will inspire your child to complete their household duties. They may earn ‘points’ or ‘stars’ towards an outing or treat, which also helps them appreciate the value of working towards a goal rather than expecting instant gratification.
A consequence can be another option, especially for kids who refuse to do chores. They may lose privileges or belongings if they don’t meet their quota. This is up to your discretion, as it’s an approach that might not be right for your family.
Be patient
Getting teenagers and kids to do chores can feel like two steps forward, one step back, particularly when you realise what a bad job they have done of the dishes.
What’s more, doing chores requires concentration. For some kids and teenagers, this is much easier said than done. Their young brains are simply more easily distracted and while they don’t mean to start playing with their Pokemon cards after just five minutes of tidying, they don’t have the self-control to stick with a task they’re not really enjoying.
Try not to get annoyed at kids who become distracted. Often they don’t even realise they have become lost in the moment while everyone else is busy cleaning up, and yelling can lead to a vicious cycle where they associate chores with being in a bad mood, and want to help out even less.
Last of all, don’t fret if your child never willingly puts away their belongings. As shared by Psychology Today, “your job is not to get them to do their chores independently or even willingly, but rather, to teach them the value of helping out.”
Have you managed to get your kids and teens to help out around the house and if so, what worked? Please feel free to share your tips in the comments.
